Tainted Love
by hamsterpickle1313
Summary: Alton's struggle with his love for Karigan.  One-shot, songfic.  Somewhat AU.


**Title:** Tainted Love

**Characters: **Karigan, Alton

**Timeframe:** Right after Alton and Karigan return from the Blackveil.

**Summary:** Alton's struggle with his love for Karigan. One-shot, songfic. Somewhat AU.

**Disclaimer:** I own neither the characters nor the song. Those belong to my close pals (Hah. I wish.) Kristen Britain and Soft Cell.

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A pale ivory dress shimmering in the moonlight. A perfect, slender hand brushes a strand of long, brown hair back behind the right ear. Lips, soft and inviting, move, but Alton D'yer can't hear what they're saying. He leans forward to capture her lips with his, but his beautiful, beloved Karigan changes before his eyes, becoming something dark and ugly. Deep brown eyes turn black and dull, soft lips become gnashing fangs that lash at him, snarling-

He sits up in bed, sheets tangled, drenched in sweat. The air around him is sticky, heavy. The tent feels crowded. A figure is leaning on his shoulder, holding his hand, and he whips to the left, reaching for an absent weapon. It's only his beloved Karigan, loose hair spilling over her shoulders. She sits curled up on the floor, face peaceful. Closed eyelids hide the beauty of her deep brown eyes, but she looks like an angel nonetheless.

_No. She betrayed you and Sacordia. _

_**Sometimes I feel I've got to-**__**  
><strong>__**Run away I've got to-**__**  
><strong>__**Get away,**__**  
><strong>__**From the pain that you drive into the heart of me**__**.**_

But how? Karigan would never betray Sacordia. She's proved it multiple times. Alton knows this, and yet… her face, her lovely, beautiful face, is the reason the wall almost failed. The reason the wall won't trust him, won't let him try to fix the damage he's done. _Her fault._

_No._ _It must have been Mornhavon._

But all the same, if she wasn't so damned _perfect_, none of this would have happened.

_**The love we share,**__**  
><strong>__**Seems to go nowhere,**__**  
><strong>__**And I've lost my light,**__**  
><strong>__**For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night.**__**  
><strong>_

_Oh, Karigan! _

Suddenly, he can't stand it anymore. He rolls out of bed, struggling to stand on shaky legs. Karigan stirs behind him, but he is already gone, ducking under the flap covering the entrance to the tent and stumbling into the woods nearby. The cool night air is soothing to his skin. Alton sits down on a rotten log, barely holding his head up with hands connected to elbows propped on scabbed knees, visible through large tears in his breeches. His shoulders begin to shake, a barely noticeable shiver. One tear drips slowly down his cheek, one more dark stain on dirty pants.

_**Once I ran to you, **__**  
><strong>__**Now I'll run from you.**__**  
><strong>__**This tainted love you've given**__**-**__**  
><strong>__**I give you all a boy could give you,**__**  
><strong>__**Take my tears and that's not nearly all.  
><strong>__**Oh...tainted love, oh,  
><strong>__**Tainted love.**_

"Alton?" Karigan's soft, sleepy voice makes him jump slightly. _Go away. Just go away, please._

She moves closer, plopping down on the log next to him. "Alton, you okay? You've been unconscious for almost three days."

The smell of her so close is mesmerizing. If he could, he'd spend every night like this, just the two of them, together. He wants to take her in his arms, hold her close, but instead, he flinches when she puts her hand on his arm.

"Fine," he says, voice hoarse from lack of use. He scoots away, unable to look at her expression.

_**Now I know I've got to-**__**  
><strong>__**Run away I've got to-**__**  
><strong>__**Get away,**__**  
><strong>__**You don't really want it any more from me.**_

Alton rubs a hand over his face, weariness weighing heavily on his soul. He can practically sense Karigan's uneasiness, her concern. Before, he would have immediately comforted her. His trip into the Blackveil has changed him more than she knows. His heart still longs to comfort her, yet a voice inside him cries out in denial at the feeling he's already admitted to himself.

He's in love with her. With Karigan. Karigan G'ladheon. He used to dream about her name being Karigan D'yer, his wife, his lady.

Of course, it was always impossible; noble blood did not mix with common. And yet, still he dreamt.

Now, however, it was even more impossible; he could never be at peace marrying a woman who he couldn't completely trust.

_**To make things right,**__**  
><strong>__**You need someone to hold you tight-**__**  
><strong>_

_Someone like Zachary. _

Oh yes, he's seen. The dark lord had spoken of such things just before he'd vanished. Of the love between Alton's beloved Kari and the High King of Sacordia. Love that stabs into his heart, twisting, viciously. Karigan is lost to him, stolen by the one he's sworn to protect and serve. With his life. Alton looks up to see Karigan's concerned eyes surveying him, obviously wondering why he's not himself, why he's awake when the fever that almost killed him still runs in his veins.

_**And you'll think love is to pray,**__**  
><strong>__**But I'm sorry I don't pray that way.**_

Alyon stands up suddenly, ignoring the flaring pain the action sends running down from his knees to his toes. He is _strong_. Strong not because he is without pain, but because he is stronger than it. Because he is standing next to the one person he loves most in all the world and managing to hold his ragged, torn being together.

"I'm fine," he repeats, moving to lean against a tree, staring away from Karigan in the direction of the collapsed section of the Wall. A collapse that _he_ is responsible for.

"Are you sure?" Karigan asks, coming to stand beside him. "Maybe you should go back to bed-"

"No. I'm fine." He turns away.

"You have nightmares." It is not a question.

_**Once I ran to you, **__**  
><strong>__**Now I'll run from you.**__**  
><strong>__**This tainted love you've given-**__**  
><strong>__**I give you all a boy could give you,**__**  
><strong>__**Take my tears and that's not nearly all**__**.**__**  
><strong>__**Oh...tainted love, oh,**__**  
><strong>__**Tainted love.**_

"Yeah," he replies, teeth clenched.

"Me too."

Alton is surprised by this. Perhaps it's because she's always seemed so brave, or perhaps it's because he's always been so wrapped up in his own misery he's been unable to see hers, but he's never even considered _Karigan_ having _nightmares._

She must see the surprise on his face, for she laughs hollowly, humorously. "Oh yes, I have nightmares. Every night. Visions of things I've seen, things I've done. People I've killed and people I've watched die. People I've been unable to save. Visions, planted by Mornhavon, of people I won't be able to save. Did you really think I wouldn't, after all I've seen?"

He cringes inwardly and inhales sharply when she puts her cool hand on his flaming arm again.

"You should be resting."

_**Don't touch me please**__**,**__**  
><strong>__**I cannot stand the way you tease**__**.**__**  
><strong>__**I love you though you hurt me so,**__**  
><strong>__**Now I'm going to pack my things and go-**_

_Go where?_ _The call isn't exactly known for letting people desert, no matter the circumstances. I'll only end up back in Sacor City. _ He resists when Karigan tries to tug him gently back toward his tent.

"Let _go_ of me!" he snaps. Karigan snatches her hand away as if burned. "Gods, Karigan, can't you just leave me alone? I have enough to worry about without you, too."

He can see how his words have hurt her, but it only causes her temper to flare up. "Well, _Lord D'Yer_, I was only trying to assist, I assure you. If my assistance in helping one who has just recovered from a fever caused by one of Mornhavon the Black's creations is unappreciated, I shall not offer it in the future." Here, her voice turns icy. The sheer fury emanating from her makes Alton take a step back. "Don't try to talk to me until you've settled your personal issues."

She turns and stalks away, slapping aside a hand he puts forth to grab her, to stop her from leaving him again.

_**Tainted love, oh.**_

Tainted indeed. Tainted by all that has happened to them both, tainted by their job, tainted by their service to the king. Especially tainted by their service to the king. Tainted by Zachary.

_**Tainted love, oh.**_

Yes, tainted by the king who's stolen Karigan for himself. Stolen her heart, managed, somehow, to befriend her wild spirit. She may not know it yet, but the dark lord's shown Alton, shown him how a light comes into her eyes every time _Zachary's_ name is mentioned.

_**Tainted love, oh.**_

Alton stumbles back towards the camp, holding onto trees for balance, _Oh, Karigan!_ If only she wasn't common. If only she hated the king. If only she wasn't so beautiful, if only-

_**Tainted love.**_

_Tainted, yes._ _Do I care? No. The past can be forgotten. And she may love the king, but I'll not let him steal her without a fight! _He collapses into his cot, almost asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

_**Touch me baby, tainted love.  
><strong>__**Touch me baby, tainted love.  
><strong>__**Tainted love, oh,  
><strong>__**Tainted love, oh.**_

When Alton wakes up in the morning, she's already gone, leaving him behind with a broken heart.

_**Tainted love. **_


End file.
